An idyllic place~~~My Xanadu

痛苦

2011-08-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

在你心里，现在任何事情，错的都是我了。你已经不会从我角度去想了。这样，真的没意思了

你已经迷失，就算我再度告诉你你的问题，你也不会认同，也不会接受，只会觉得一切是我引起的。

关心已经成了负担。。

你不属于这，那你回到你最受欢迎的地方吧。。这么不符合你的地方，应该没什么值得你留恋，也不会有人留你。。

难道是我应得的吗？折磨我变成了你的乐趣。你要让我觉得我已欠了你。。我必须得还你。

如果你真的有改变，我能感受到的。。。只是，对不起，你没有。。你所渴望的自由已超过我的界限了。

full stop.

2011-07-30T22:37:00.002+08:00

A full stop in my life. tats it.

2011-07-16T03:31:00.000+08:00

生存的很累。。自己有问题，相对的，大家都有问题。僵局是最适合形容我们的情况。
三年了，有必要吗？？
我不想吵，不想管，不想有任何感觉。。但很难。。觉得很难过，很挣扎，很迷惑。。。
我到底是谁？
我在这是为了什么？
感觉我从小到大，最糟糕的时刻就是现在。。
但，事实上，是有几个朋友让我觉得很欣慰也开心在这的。。
自相矛盾产生。。
语无伦次。。
好糟糕的文笔。。夜已深，其实不该写，但真的很难过

Please

2011-06-07T00:49:00.001+08:00

Why her??? Why bad things alws happen when I went bec to kl??

I'm so depress now...so so depress..no 1 noe hw exactly I feel...

My heart is so painful, smth stab thru my heart...

God, Please Help her!! Please Dun Take Her Life... Please.....

She is jz a baby...a kitten...imagine if she is one of us (human being)... there is no difference

I want to tell the whole world, human is jz another type of animal..there is no different in status btwn us and animals....

Heartache..............................dun break my heart again

dunno wat else cn I do except pray for her... I need a superpower now, I need a power to heal my kitten.....

T.T

2011-06-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

谁能了解我有多担心？？？我看见他的煎熬，也看到了他的毅力，坚强。。。生命是如此的脆弱，但她是如此的懂得珍惜。。。很心痛。。。觉得无助，觉得少了温暖。。终于今天我二姐做了一件让我很感动的事情。。接下来我只能祈祷，其余就要靠兽医和她自己了。。
拜托。。保佑他度过这难关。。。。
很低落。。我甚至懦弱得躲了起来。。我一个23岁的人，什么都不会。。真的很恨自己

Hate Like Poison

2011-05-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

I hate everything of u, I hate u, I hate everything u do, u say, u act. Never hate some1 like this before. feel so suffer...will this turn into happy ending?? I hope so...

2011-05-19T22:27:00.000+08:00

失望，难过，伤害。。。一切尽在不言中

讨厌紧张

2011-05-12T01:40:00.000+08:00

如果人不会感到紧张那该有多好啊。。
一紧张，就压力，脑就缺氧，跟着就头晕，然后心绞痛，再来腹部绞痛，泻肚子，无法站立，无法躺卧
没法表现好
到紧张没了后，就是伤心，无奈，生气，后悔。。。。因为会因为紧张而表现不好。。
那为什么要有紧张的感觉？？
紧张一天都不懂害死多少人。。。我就是其中之一

Silence is Gold

2011-05-02T09:48:00.000+08:00

If I talk, will u appreciate??

wat is the reason? I won't tell. No point tellin u tat. U really dun und hw i feel and u won't accept tat reason.

I use to talk too much and now I realize is useless..so remain silence is the best way to express

歪理

2011-04-26T19:41:00.000+08:00

突然觉得，折磨自己是一件满爽快的事。犯贱也是免不了的。

让自己痛苦实在是人生最大的挑战耶。很难办到，但办到了确有非常强烈的成就感，也足以证明意志力够坚强。

在想，如果失败，就只有一个原因，就是觉得自己是爸妈生的，我不够那个资格。。

要思考一些，也许哪天我可以想出一个完美的歪理来说服自己，那，那时我一定能达到这项挑战的最高顶点。

哈哈

Breakpoint

2011-04-12T15:01:00.001+08:00

reached my breakpoint.

Sober Up

2011-04-11T12:26:00.000+08:00

I need to wake up!! I must not let relationship prbs to affect my academic performances alrdy. This semester is jz sucks!! and I have to admit it is because of relationship prbs!! I can't focus in study anymore..bt now I need to change..let bygone be bygone. Aim for final!! At Least must maintain my pointer!! This is my final year alrdy. It is so important for me and my family especially my mom and dad. They raise me up,they work work and work to earn money for me..I must not disappoint them.

ur temper is getting worst!!! U dun realize. ur internet life is getting more important and except the time we eat +pps, we dun hae anytime to talk. U dun realize. U keep applied my mistakes on urself and said bcz of me,u become like tat. if u want some1 to change bcz of u, plz dun do smth tat previously u cnt accept other ppls do it. This is very important. without this, I dun hv any motivation to change myself.

I thank you for ur attend, ur love, ur care, ur tolerance and everything. But I can't c the YOU that I use to c anymore...

No encouragement from each other, no help..

sarcastic...

I dunno wat will happen next, I can't think, I can't predict..I am tired..Im going to cure myself in the coming study week..alone in a room,I cn think watever i wanted to..i cn figure out all the prb and not to repeat when the next time i falling in love or.... maybe i dun nit love from a human except my family and frens anymore..no1 noes..

UNFAIR

2011-04-05T01:41:00.000+08:00

why? just because we r small group?? we paid, we also biomed students, we r seniors..but y?? y everytime we have to tolerate?? why no one consider bout us?

We did nothing wrong, did we?

we dunno that we will be in such a small group when we register, we noe nth tat time but just want to study like others...

but y? every semester, there are some troubles troubled us when near to our final exam....

we never quitclaim..we complain when we think is unfair...we did wat we cn...we tried our very best...

but the outcome is just the same.. we have to tolerate every single time.

COMPLETE LOSS OF HOPE!!!!!! HEART STRICKEN!!!!!! MAD WITH INEQUITY!!!!!

Darn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-02T14:26:00.000+08:00

真爱是付出。不是常常要求对方要怎样怎样，若是这样的话，日子会很难过。

要改变别人，最有效的方法是首先改变你自己。

但又有多少人能真的办到呢？

我就是那个常常被要求改变。。也可能常要求别人改变的人

I am Okay.

2011-02-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

First of all, I would like to congratz u. U are not subject to a force anymore.

U can enjoy ur life now without me being a stumbling block or obstacle.

U shud feel glad. I am happy for u too.

ur family, ur relatives, ur frens can bring u unlimited of happiness.

Unlike me, I jz bring u lots of miseries and mental suffering.

Haha..Thank God that I realized that before I become the sinner of ur life.

一线之差

2011-01-23T12:18:00.001+08:00

微不足道。。但有时却只因为差那么一点点，对就可以变成错了。

坚持我所选择，还是纠正我所选择？哪个是我应该要做的？

我其实认为是纠正。但很多事情就是有中间地带。我认为纠正是对的，但有更多的理由让我错下去。。

理由？还是借口？？是自私还是我的感觉让我一直做我认为错的事呢？

我认为是借口，我认为是自私。。

但，再一次的，有更多的理由让我欺骗自己那是有理的，那是因为自己的感情用事而并非自私。

如果相比于开心，我认为我可以说我的不开心已经持续超过一年了。。

是得到了诅咒吗？？？还是我的报应？？？

所有事情没办法达到一条直线。。以为的，都不会发生。。相信的都只是虚幻。。

让我一切皆空不是更好吗？？

Fucking Moody

2010-12-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

I am so fucking moody!! because of the fuck up issue that arise!!! what the heck is going on??? I should not tell!! I should not!!
what a shitty condition!!!!!!
I feel remorse for what I've done!
PANGS of CONTRITION!!!
TEARS OF REMORSE!!!!
GREAT MENTAL ANGUISH!!!!!

tum tah tum tah

2010-11-20T21:46:00.000+08:00

The insults ignited my anger!!!!!!

U r just a Green-eyed Monster and I am bighearted.. BLEK!!!

15/10/10

2010-10-19T22:01:00.002+08:00

15th October 2010, Friday. My year two semester two's final exam's result was released...I cannot wait to check since the morning, but what to do? I need to work...

time flies, time to go home!!! The 1st thing I do after i reached my home is to log in to UTAR portal and check for my result, heart beat increased, tick tock tick tock,just wan to know ASAP....finally, logged in!!!

I scroll down the page, I closed my eyes..and then I opened slowly..really slow....and there appeared my result....
whoaaaa... again..every semester I will be surprised with my result. unexpected again..happy!!
I wish everyone can be happy when they check their result too, but I know tats impossible.

Anyway, lets move on and work together for our next semester!

Thursday Night

2010-10-15T00:38:00.000+08:00

went out with my best sista and we erm speak with fervour and assurance. What an effusive manner! XD

Frankly, I love to hang out with u, U bring me back to our secondary life, U never change, U r improving, bt the way U treat me as ur best fren never change. Apart from my home, apart from ah south, u r my best shelter.

There are too much I wana tell you, but I noe its nt now, I hope that u cn leave the hell place asap.

Get back ur own life

Recollecting our memories in Cochrane. I laugh, I smile, I yearn....

Sigh~~

2010-10-01T19:35:00.000+08:00

I wonder why???
everyday is not my day..
how am I going to solve all the problems??
can I just give up?
No1 know what problems I facing now
Just hate my life,hate!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I'm blessedness, but I'm not!!!
I'm not content with my lot. yea,maybe...

finally

2010-09-26T21:46:00.000+08:00

hiak hak huak!!!!!!

Back to KL, I'm free...RAVING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

no more books. no more notes. no more exam papers. no more stress.

I must get enuf rest in this week..cz intern will be start on 4th October....

hopefully I can put up with the puzzle la..I must last out till 31st December.

No matter who I'm going to work with, frens or enemies..I will just be myself

you!! Don't try to get near to me..I will just talk to you when we doing the same task!!!

fleet fleet~~~ January 2011, there comes our trip guys!!!!!

after that, year 3!!! my final year for my degree!! hooyah hooyah!!!

I will start to do my Final Year Project in smth related to medical microbiology with the guide of my beloved lecturer Ms.Teo. Lot on that man!!!!

Life is beautiful..

Oh Yeah~~~ Yay!!!!

2010-09-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

I know the answer alrdy!! Fizz~~ Fizz~~ Fizz~~

It's just depends on me...wahahahaha

when I want to share this decision?? when I will tell out?? all up to me!! Chui Meh??!!

kekekekekezzzzzzzzz

Soooooooo happppppieeeeeeee yah!!!!

Murky Day

2010-08-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

Sigh...My story started with a sigh.. It was like WTF???

I'm sorry that I did not post anything whenever I felt happy,coz when I was happy,I wun have anytime to write. XD

The same thought spinning out in a square. There are four dead angle, I couldn't get out from the square.

What is actually in my mind?? Haha, I can't even write it out..coz its a deep secret..deepest secret of me.

I don't have any plan now on what I'm going to do next, but I'm quite sure that things will not be the same anymore.

I want to grab something, I wish to grab something really belongs to me...and I really want it to be mine.

I guess I was trapped in a maze of my own regulation.

Sorry if I need to hurt some1 under this circumstance. I have no intention to do anything bad, but sometimes..

whatever la..since I can't write out here,nth much to crap d..

So goes the World

you better don't read this

2010-08-01T01:40:00.004+08:00

Why? Why you never try to think in a positive way??

There are two sides to everything

but, you just will go for the bad side..

and, you always use the way u see things to judge me!

That's not fair to me..

I'm so hurt!! I really don't think I'm happy with that..

God Damn Tired of da bullshit!!!!!

Fuck off!!!

I'm not sure that's love or seizing me???

I'm yours..then???

every-time I tell something that to make you happy, things will go the other way round.

I wonder is that my problem, you problem, or ours problem??

whatever now..I'm gonna sleep

Exasperating !!!!!!!!!

2010-07-12T18:27:00.003+08:00

How many times u wana lose your temper in one day? all is my fault, wat i did, wat i said sure got some prb to make u angry.

But surprisingly, when I'm in ur situation and when I'm doing the same thing like lose my temper, bla bla bla, u will said tat I'm creating vexation!!!!

Alws said I dun care!! did u c the outcome?? did u??? U alws Judge me before u make things clear.. if u dowan to ask or dowan to noe wat was isa thinking, den dun simply make a conclusion!!!!

I dun care??? did I???? when u asked me tat question, I realized that I should not go down. I din say anything, cz when i went near to u,u ask me go. I dun und y everytime u told me smth tat's opposite with wat u think?? but I'm still ok with tat, I myself alrdy decided nt to watch at tat time. so pliz dun judge everything by urself.

STOP USINg YOUR INTUITION IN EVERY JUDGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!

Bruises on my heart

2010-07-09T14:00:00.003+08:00

So many terrible things have happened!! How to Cope with all these lies??

I am really struggling to cope with the deceit and the hatred that has been directed solely at me and I don't really know how to move forward.

I even wish that he withdraw from our Uni or just go to Hell. How evil am I??

Inert + Vague

2010-06-05T18:59:00.002+08:00

I guess there is nothing else I can do anymore.

I'hv tried to be inert all the time.

I've tried to ignore all the boys.

I've tried to act as cool as I can.

Can u see that?? Can u feel that???

I really hope that u will appreciate everything I done for you.

Please feel safe when u are with me.

I'm not going to change my direction..

I'm always with you. just you

Morning Sentiment

2010-05-02T07:10:00.003+08:00

I got to breath.. can't take that from me

It's a long long way from paradise to where I am today.

another day begin...my dream is fading out.

Maybe I am the one to blame, but even when I turn it off and blame myself,

the outcome still the same.

there ain't no drug to make me well..

but I don't belong here.

恨！！

2010-04-22T15:55:00.003+08:00

我恨这种责任！！为什么别人可以当废材？为什么我不能？
我极度讨厌打给这种政府部门询问咨询，为什么总是我在做？？
我讨厌来到金宝！！没有人能够保护我！！什么都是自生自灭的！！
我很想回家。。在家，一切都安好。一切不需要我烦，不需要我负责！！
我就是窝囊废，又怎样？？？
至少我家人接受，而且更加疼爱我！！
你们这些废材呢？？
吃饱只会上网，上不到了，就找上房来！！妈的，你们以为我们master room是什么？？
现在帮你们打了电话了，浪费我电话钱，怕被姐姐骂！！你们知道我有多怕被骂吗？？
你们知道我心灵有多么脆弱吗??
你们最好都给我去死咯！！
你们这种整天和异族混在一起的，相信国语英语一定很好。。你们为什么不打？？
你们知道我国语有多烂吗？？我打简直就像鸡和鸭说！！！我的耐心有多低你们知道吗？？
为了不要被你们烦，我一而再的忍耐。。花了我多少脑汁你们知道吗？？？
通通去死吧！！！

lassitude

2010-04-06T20:48:00.002+08:00

My volition had evaporated; I felt nothing but utter lassitude.

UTAR made my mind so tired.

UTAR became a place where I got tired thinking.

I want to share my tired, my poor, my huddled masses. Anyone????

I am yearning to breathe free.

My heart is sick and sad.

I will fight no more forever.

lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul of mine.

I become inward emptiness; dull....

。。。

2010-03-07T23:56:00.001+08:00

有一些裂痕没办法补回了。。。我错了。。。但，我也累了。。我不懂得爱。。是事实。。。无助了。。弃权了。。。

Hentai ==

2010-02-18T13:26:00.000+08:00

After my friends mentioned Hentai yesterday..I had a nightmare bout d "hentai" that are sexually perverted!!!! Darn it!!
Actually it was not just a nightmare.. I really met a perverted jerk last Friday..
I felt so so bad to dream back the situation.. However, I considered myself as the lucky girl, coz I'm fine. phew~~~

Sigh..back to reality, UTAR reopen soon...I have to go there to attend all my classes. So scared.. I guess I have a mild psychological obstacle now.

thinking

2010-02-18T13:01:00.000+08:00

Am I wrong? Definitely Yes, I'm Wrong.

to alter myself..1st of all, I need to change my way of talking with them.

den, I need to be more patience.

I need to change!! I want to be an obedient daughter.

I sure can do this!

I believe in Karma.

Give me a chance to change

Only one small candle relieved the gloom.

2010-02-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

I love this erm....idiom?? It is so meaningful. Now i realized that my life can be as simple as I want. stay away from those complicated's thoughts. I can be very happy if all the peoples I love are healthy and being in good spirits; merry.

Happy Chinese New Year ^^

2010-02-16T20:45:00.000+08:00

I just deleted all my posts. I felt so relieved now. All the bad things go away. I still believe that every cloud has a silver lining. New year, New Life.
happy happy ^^